New Year’s Resolutions We Wish Kalb had Made and Kept
1) I will not be lazy.
2) I will not be incompetent.
3) I will not be quarrelsome.
4) I will not whine.
5) I will not be a lapdog.
6) I will not drive to Kentucky in an official car for cigarettes and lottery tickets.
7) I will not blame my terrible reputation on a few “malcontents.”
8) I will not leave my successor a half million dollar deficit.
9) I will not create fraudulent public records to cover my ass.
10) I will not gain international notoriety as an ignorant, foulmouthed redneck.
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