|Jim Kalb composing his open letter to Kevin W. Johnson|
Iffen you red Drek Aillen’s Cock-n-Bull Opin Litter, now reed Jim Kalb’s to the failed antic deeler Kevin W. Johnson. Summite suspeck Ol’ Jim din’t rite the litter cuz it lax the redneck shit-and-piss retrick that made Jim the most famus Appleashen in the whirl fur 48 ours a few yeers back. Sumuthers mite suspeck Jim didn’t rite it cuz it haz finnishin’ skool wurds like “therefore,” “ultimately,” and “abide” wen all he haz iz a vacational edjication. Weather itz by Jim or his bitter haff wif the govinment krazy chek. Iffen you aint red Jim’s Appleashen masterpiss, just klick here.
Jims open litter iz not so much a litter az a chronicul of govinment cunfusion, cullusion, and dilusion in witch Jim cumplanes Kevin always kept him, that iz Jim, out of the loop privyusly but iz trying’ to suck up to him now that Kevin iz on the sity man’gers shitlist.
Bee that az it may, Jims litter to Kevin W. begins,
"Hello Vice President Kevin W.”
He leaves off hiz last name witch iz suposed too bee sarkastick like you wood begin a litter to the president, “Hello President B’rack Husane,” leavin’ off hiz last name Obummer. Summite say iffen he rit the litter hisself he cud cum up with sumthin’ better like, “Hello Vice President Kevin W. who I woodn’t piss on if you waz shit on fire.” But la-dee-da Jim sez insted, "I copied this correspondence to all concerned because, well, that’s just the proper way to do things (in my opinion)." Wat Jims reely doin' ritin’ fancee-dancee like this iz makin' fun of kweers who rite like that. Then Jim sez supersillyous, “I don’t know if you have ever read the Charter, you don’t understand the language in the Charter or you just flat out refuse to abide by the Charter and other laws/rules governing Council.” Jim leckturing Kevin W. on vilelating the chatter iz ironick cuz Jim iz the biggist vilelator of the chatter in the anals of Porchmuth like he did on the Martin’ bilding and the Kiwanis Playground. Hell, there aint nobuddy who vilelates the chatter more’n Jim.
Jim also ‘cuses Kevin of subvertin’ the Design and Review Bored. Speekin’ of bored, don't we have more than enuff bored fellas in sity govinment and nobuddy more so than Jim, as shone in the classick schnapshot of him ketchin’ twenty winks during a counsil meatin'.
As fur Kevin’s dilutions of grander, Jim in hiz litter quotes an emale in witch Kevin rote, “As you know, Derek is called by our fire or police Chief whenever there is a fire, homicide, robbery or a bear in the city. I have asked to be called as well; as the Mayor (or Acting Mayor, in my case, effective July 1) I should be aware of such activity.” In uther wurds, Kevin W. wants to be in the loop as much az he wants to keep Jim out of the loop. If theres a bear or a bare-ass stewdent running up Chillyclothy street, Kevin W. wants to be woked up and tolled about it.
Then in a kleer warnin’ to Kevin W., Jim kwotes the city chatter like it’s the Bibull, the furst commandmint being you better follow the chatter or you cud end up convickted: “Any violation of the provisions of this section by a member of the Council shall be a misdemeanor, conviction of which shall immediately forfeit the office of the member so convicted.” Of coarse our currant sity man’ger wuz prevously convicted of lying under oath about givin’ a buddy of his a no-bid contrack for gravil or sumthin’ butt he waz hired anyway. In fakt, I think one of the kwalifications fur the job waz you gut to have a please record or at least to have been a bankcorrupt.
Jim allso cumplains in his litter ‘bout Kevin tellin’ Drek to take a vacation. Kevin tellin’ Drek to take a brake iz like Hitler rekomending that Muscleenie becuz he’s virgin on a nervuss brakedown shood take a long vakation and leeve Itally to the Nasties. “Not your call Kevin,” Jim sez in his opin litter. “The City Manager is perfectly capable of scheduling a vacation for himself when he feels the need.”
Here’s the hippocritical enden of Jims opin litter to Kevin W. “Since you took a seat on City Council I’ve witnessed a loss of confidence that Portsmouth residents have in their city government. I’ve seen nothing from you but hidden agendas and a failure to follow the laws and rules governing the city. I’ve watched you speak for City Council as a whole without being asked. You thrive on controversy and you constantly share information with the media before it is ever discussed by Council. Now allow me to ask a question of you: Do you plan to continue your actions on City Council as you have to this point? If you have no intentions of changing, would you consider making it easier on everybody and cheaper on the City and just resign your seat on Portsmouth City Council?”
Jims crittersizin’ Kevin W. Johnson on vilelating the city chatter iz ironick cuz like he did on the Martin’ bilding and the Kiwanis Playground, Jim iz the biggest vilelator of the city chatter in the hisorry of Porchmuth. Hell, there aint nobuddy who haz ever vilelated the chatter more’n Jim.
Iz this what sity managemint govinment in Porchmuth haz cum too? The bankruptured, incompitent Kroaker clerk a-lying with the convickted sity man’ger aginst the Connivin’ Actin’ Mayor affective July 1? Guvnor Kasick haz got it rong. It aint the devil whose in controll in Porchmuth, itz the lawyers and develuppers that pulls the strings of the underhanded, bankruptured and incompetint politishins of witch the out-to-lunch Jim Kalb is the epitymee.
|Political Puppets of Portsmouth|