Grandview Geysers

The Grandview area before the Dreck Geyser spouted

[Residents of the Grandview area reported that during the recent
torrential rains, sewers spouted like geysers.]

As sewage erupted from the sewers,

Like sepia geysers in the air,

Chief among the wrongdoers
Was "D'reck,"* our city manager.

One of the high risers,
Filled to the odiferous brim,
One of the Grandview Geysers, 

Should be named after him.

Let's call one the Shyster Geyser,
After the notorious Mike Mearan.
Let's call another the Kevin W. Geyser,
After the officious First Ward con man.

But let's name the biggest of all,
The geyser with the brownest luster,
The geyser with the most offal,
After our septic shitty manager.

Yes, let's call it the D'reck Geyser

Because it's so full of shit.

Let's call it the D'reck Geyser

Just for the hell of it.

               Robert Forrey, 2015

*Dreck (pronounced der-reck) is a Yiddish word
that is synonymous with the English word shit.

No, those are not Grandview residents watching the Dreck Geyser.
Those are tourists at Yellowstone National Park viewing the
most famous of all geysers, Old Faithful.

Jesus Walking on Water on Grandview Avenue

Jesus Walking on Water on Grandview Avenue
1. Jesus  2. Wastewater Director  3. Rat  4. Devil's Disciple  5. Auditor  6. Solicitor              
7. Unelected Mayor   8. Hepzibah

O, shit! Not another flood?

Haven’t they got it under control?

No, fixing downspouts was a dud,

Money poured down a rat hole.

O say can you see

The solicitor in this spoof?

The pawn of the S.O.M.C.—

He’s mortgaged through the roof.    

Duncan’s been fired more than once.

He only knows how to sue.

The rat chews out the dunce

Up to his neck in do-do. 

A preacher of pretense,

In the rear is our unelected mayor,

Because he’s terminally dense,

He doesn’t have a prayer.

Unable to add, subtract, or think 

About accounting rules he loves to flout, 

The auditor’s drowning in red ink, 

But charge-offs bail him out.

And what of that sourpuss,

The devil’s disciple, giving us the finger?

We wish, like Christ, we could walk on water, 

But we’re just recycled through the wringer. 

Waste Water Dunces

This is a paragraph from an unsigned notice sent out by the city falsely claiming that the U.S. EPA has ordered 63 residents of the Grandview area to disconnect their downspouts. Neither unelected mayor Malone, Wastewater Dunce Duncan, nor City Solicitor Jones was apparently willing to sign the notice. For more on this issue, see former elected mayor Jane Murray's website (click here).

"With all due respect, Mr. Duncan, in your Power Point presentation, you say 'downsprouts' are causing Grandview's flooding problems, but I don't think you know a downspout from a horses's ass."